Hello, it’s me. Hello, can you hear me? Hello from the other side; from the outside.
How are you?
It’s been a while. What I thought would be a short break from everything turned into a much longer break. I’m not apologizing for that, just acknowledging the facts. Pressures from work and travel combined with feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, and despair made it impossible for me to write over this past month. Sometimes life is too much. Sometimes I need to hide and cry and grieve and try to accept my pathetic little life. And that takes time.
Now, I’m trying to come back. I’m trying to write and take pictures and be happy again. Because I can’t stay in that lonely place forever. I can’t allow myself to think that nobody cares about me forever. At some point I have to acknowledge that there are some who do. There really are some good and beautiful things in the world.
I’m still not in a place of feeling good or happy or fulfilled. I probably never will be in that place. Not for long, anyway. The world isn’t often a good or happy place and it’s impossible not to focus on that sometimes; especially with so much hate and loss over the past few weeks. I’m trying, though, to find meaning in what I have in my little corner of this world.
I’m trying to do what I love because I love it. This little blog is for me, not readers – nobody reads this anyway – so it has to be for me. Sometimes I forget that, though, and get down that I’m not successful with my writing, that I’m too afraid to advertise it or tell people about it. I start feeling pathetic and sure that there’s no point, even if it sometimes makes me happy.
So, if you’re reading this, thank you. I hope this little moment of honesty doesn’t put you off. Or make you sad too. I hope you can look and what I’ve done before and hope with me that I’ll get back to it again. That it’s not all pointless. I hope you have love and peace in your life and are able to do something to share that love and peace with someone else today. I hope you take the time to lift someone up today because you never, never know what people are going through in their heart of hearts. You never know where people are in their journey, so I hope you respond to all you meet with patience and grace.